pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
