so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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