After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
