I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
