I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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