When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
farters have to be the big spoon...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
