so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
