Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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