first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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