Your dad touched me again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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