Plan B is the new Plan A
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
