i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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