he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
