she woke up with a sticky ear
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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