Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
