I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
