Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
