Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
