Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
