y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
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Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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