Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i love accidental penises.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
