At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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