There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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