I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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