I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
