No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
