he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
