took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS