My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes