so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize