I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
