I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
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Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...