I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy