How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji