so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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