i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
