I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize