I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
