I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
