Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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