the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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