Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
