i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
