Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This is classic penis vs brain.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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