your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
