I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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