All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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