She is in my trunk
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here