im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.