I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
