I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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