I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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