oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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