I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
