Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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