Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
