It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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