You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
being pregnant is like rehab
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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