guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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