So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
