My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
