fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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