If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They took my balls.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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