i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
