My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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