Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
