Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
