Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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