I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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