hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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