im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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