God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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