last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
