my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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