I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
