Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We need to rekindle our bromance
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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