you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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