Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
