sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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