im holly from the hills drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
