"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
