I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
