we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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