I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
