Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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